The Autobiography of William J Fennel
“Looking Backwards First”
If I’m fortunate to be looking down from wherever God parked me, it will fill me with a joy I can’t quite put into words to know you’re reading this. I’ve lost so many people I loved, some to death, others to my own mistakes, stubbornness, and blind spots. Loss has a way of carving pieces of you out, and over time, those empty spaces get heavy. I’m not proud to admit it, but there were moments when I didn’t feel I wanted to wait for God to call me. Life can bruise you that deeply.
We all walk around believing we’ll have more time — more chances, more tomorrows, more do-overs. I had a whole list of things I wish I’d done differently. But if age has taught me anything, it’s this:
Never make choices, you’ll regret so deeply that you spend the rest of your life wishing for a do-over
Because the truth is, changing the past would change the future — and the blessings we hold today might never have existed. So maybe, just maybe, every wrong turn, every stumble, every heartbreak was part of God’s plan for me. A messy plan, sure, but a plan, nonetheless.
“To Those Who Shared My Life”
I tried my best, I truly did, but I got a lot of it all wrong. What I thought mattered in life… didn’t. The things I chased, the things I worried about, the things I thought defined me, none of that was the real treasure. The real treasure was right in front of me the whole time: my wonderful wives, my beautiful children, my brother and sister, my mom and dad, my grandchildren, and my friends who stuck with me through storms I created myself.
Family
That was the gold
I missed too much of it, and for that, I am deeply, sincerely sorry
“My Struggles”
I had drowned myself in rum, thinking it would quiet the noise, numb the pain, or make me braver than I felt. Instead, it made me careless. It made me selfish. And in the process, I hurt the very people I should have protected. I managed to break things that should’ve been unbreakable — families, friendships, trust, even fortunes.
All I can do now is pray that one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me, and that Jesus will accept these words, this truth, this confession, as part of my attempt to atone for the many sins I’ve carried. As you walk with me down memory lane, I hope you find a smile here and there. Maybe even a laugh. And I hope, tucked somewhere between the chaos and the missteps, you’ll find a few redeeming qualities I might have had.
Because this is me, the whole me, laid bare, with love, with honesty, and with the hope that my story brings you closer to understanding the man I was, the man I tried to be, and the man I wished I’d been sooner.
“My Final Addio”
So, will call this my final addio — the moment that stubborn little kernel of corn finally dislodges itself and floats off into the great beyond. But don’t get too comfortable. If there’s free Wi-Fi wherever I land, you might still get the occasional text from the afterlife. And if I manage to pull a full-on Casper, don’t be surprised if your spice rack mysteriously rearranges itself or a picture frame tilts just enough to make you wonder. Maybe you’ll feel a light tap on the shoulder, or hear a whisper that sounds suspiciously like me saying, “Hey… I’m still here for you.”
My memory isn’t what it used to be, and it’s not exactly improving with age— so this is my story told now, while I can still gather the pieces and lay them out with honesty, some humor, and a whole lot of heart. Here we go… My life, my truth, my flaws, my love — all of it, shared “Thru My Eyes.”